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Lessons about living from the dying

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer on April 6 of this year. He died just 10 days later. In between those two events was a series of lessons I learned from my father that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

As we drove home from the hospital to begin hospice care at his cabin, dad told me that there were some people he wanted to call. Many of the names I knew, but others I didn’t. It was clear that he wanted to spend his last few days reconnecting with others.

And then he got on the phone. He called former students and fellow coaches. He called neighbors. Dad called people he hadn’t seen in fifty years.

His phone calls consisted of four key types of conversations.

-He told people he loved them.

-He granted forgiveness.

-He asked for forgiveness.

-He told them “thank you.”

Four simple messages he repeated over and over for 10 straight days. These messages brought tears, laughter, relief and goodwill. It brought people together.

My dad left this earth with a full heart and a clear conscience. And what a gift he left to those he encountered over his last 10 days.

I’ve thought about what I witnessed over the past couple of months. It’s shown me the importance of loving, forgiving, repentance and gratitude. And it’s something that we need to do often and intentionally.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

What if every day we pledged to try and love the person right in front of us? What if we showed grace, patience and love to all that we met?

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

My prayer this week is for awareness. I want to express more love. I want to grant more grace. I want the humility to ask for forgiveness more often. And I should seek more opportunities to express gratitude. My dad did a lot of this over 10 days, and I want to use that example to maximize the relationships in my life.

And please let me know how to pray for you. God bless!

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Attitude is everything

I was traveling early this morning on my way to a conference. As I prepared to land in Atlanta for my connecting flight, I realized that I had just enough time to grab a quick breakfast sandwich and coffee.

Everyone else had the same idea.

The line for the only open coffee shop was long and the customers were cranky and irritated. To top it all off, there were only two available employees working that shift. They were also out of about half of their menu due to supply chain issues.

But I noticed something as I waited in line. The woman who was working the cash register remained extremely positive. She greeted each customer with a smile and a heart-felt “good morning.” She repeated what items were available and apologized for the inconvenience and long wait. It was refreshing. No matter the temperament of the current customer- she stayed calm and pleasant.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

I was incredibly impressed with this cashier. Despite the circumstances and environment, she was encouraging and kind. It was an example that several customers commented on when they approached her at the register.

It’s an example of how my attitude can be an example…either for good or bad. If we have the love of Jesus in our heart, we need to SHOW it. Let’s commit to being that person who is full of hope and love.

We’ll never know what impact it’ll have on someone else.

My prayer this week is to be more intentional about being positive. And please let me know how I can pray for you.

God bless you.

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Contentment

We brought a new family member into our home last summer. Mo is everything you might expect a young black Labrador retriever to be…a bundle of lightening, curiosity, sweetness, mischief and love.

And we’ve treated her like we would a new baby. We’ve ordered special beds. We’ve bought her “indestructible” chew toys. We’ve tried fancy dog treats and stimulating exercise toys. Her happiness has been our goal.

But you know what? Out of all the toys and comforts that we’ve provided- Mo’s most treasured item is a basic yellow ball.

A $2 ball.

She’ll play fetch for hours with that ball. She’ll lay it beside her head for a nap. It’s the first thing she searches for in the morning. That basic retrieving ball is never far away from Mo. It brings her happiness, comfort and joy. Contentment.

Contentment is difficult to find. We often find ourselves looking for that next item…the next toy…to bring us happiness and joy. But we rarely obtain the satisfaction and peace we are searching for in our lives.

I’m guilty of it. I look at the cars, the homes, the jobs…the lives of those around me. Instagram and Facebook show happy families and good times. Vacations and retreats. Confident, content and happy people. I then look in the mirror and see brokenness in my own life.

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 1 Timothy 6: 6-8

In reality, I need to focus on my blessings. Instead of the outward comparisons, I should focus on those gifts that are right in front of me. My wife. My children. My health and job. A wonderful community to call home and good friends who stand by me when I need encouragement.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Jesus has given us all we need to find contentment. Giving our hearts…our lives…to Jesus means eliminating the distractions that society places in our way. We brought no material wealth into this world and can’t take anything with us when we die.

How do we find it?

  1. Count your blessings. Often. Yes, it’s an overused phrase. But have you done it lately? Write down the things you are grateful for in your life. Your parents. Your spouse. That friend you can always call when times are tough.
  2. Pray over your blessings. Acknowledging these gifts and thanking God for your blessings is another way to increase the awareness of what you “have” instead of focusing on what you “don’t.” Do this often. Prayer grounds us and allows us to focus on what’s important.
  3. Be a blessing to someone else. The best way to have peace in your heart is to invest in someone else. Check on your elderly neighbor. Call your friend who’s going through a divorce. Cook dinner for someone who is hurting.
  4. Get in God’s word daily. Read the words and study the actions of Jesus in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John). Read the words of Paul. Study the Psalms. The Bible gives us a wonderful roadmap for peace.

My prayer this week is to find peace in my own life. I want to discover my own yellow ball.

And please let me know how I may pray for you. God bless you.

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A weeping waitress and a forgotten order

I had an unexpected encounter in a restaurant today.

I stopped in to grab a quick bite to eat. My mind was running a mile a minute, as I had a day full of activities I needed to plan out in my head.

The waitress came to take my drink order and I told her that I already knew what I wanted to eat. I quickly blurted out a simple order of bacon and eggs.

But she didn’t write anything down. She just stood there- studying my face.

I repeated my order, thinking maybe she was tired or maybe confused. But she continued to just look at me with a blank stare on her face.

We looked at one another for an awkward 5 seconds or so. She finally walked away toward the kitchen.

A couple of minutes later she walked back over to the table with my coffee and asked…”don’t you work at the college?” I told her that I did.

“I thought I recognized you. I saw you at graduation yesterday,” she said with a smile.

I returned her grin and told her that graduations were special and I always enjoy watching students celebrate at this special occasion. It’s a happy culmination of years of hard work, I explained.

She pulled out her phone and found a photo she wanted to share. The picture was of a smiling young woman in her cap and gown.

“This is my granddaughter. She’s had a rough road and life hasn’t been easy for her. She’s the first person in our family to attend and finish college.” She went on to talk about the long path her granddaughter’s life had taken her down…and that she had faced many challenges and overcome many past mistakes to get where she was right now.

“She’s found her way.”

Tears were streaming down her face. She sobbed and quickly walked away, apologizing to me over her shoulder.

As I walked out, I couldn’t help but think about the pain and hurt that grandmother had felt in the past…and the sense of pride and relief that she felt now.

I tried to imagine how God must feel when we return to Him.

We’re given a glimpse through various passages in the Bible.

So he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. Luke 15:3-7

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16-17

Joy over finding the lost sheep.

No condemnation, only salvation.

My prayer this week is to examine my own life and see what barriers I have placed in my relationship with our Savior. I will pray for the strength to address these challenges and to seek a closer walk with Jesus.

Please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless you!

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Envy: the thief of joy

I recently read a study that reported that Americans are the unhappiest they’ve been in 50 years.

I completely understand it. We’ve faced the uncertainties of a pandemic. We’re seeing social unrest. We’ve been more isolated over the past 20 months.

We’ve also seen a spike in social media usage. As society has faced the frustrations COVID-19, the amount of time that people have turned to social apps on their phones and laptops has increased dramatically. We’re interacting with people less than we did 20 months ago, and we are turning to social media to fill a void. And that’s impacting our mental health too.

The uncertainties of our current lives coupled with an increase of social media usage has created an interesting dynamic: a dissatisfaction with our own lives. I fall victim to the urge everyday. Through online social media outlets I see people taking incredible vacations. I see happy children. I see impeccably prepared meals and smiling spouses. I read about successes in someone else’s job or office. I witness virtual reminders that people are running races, losing weight and winning awards.

I see people that have life all figured out.

And I’m envious.

Why can’t I have those things? When I look in the mirror, all I often see are imperfections. In my own mind, I feel doubt and second-guess decisions. I kick myself for past mistakes…and I certainly don’t have life figured out.

“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings and not your own.” – Harold Coffin

We read many examples about envy in the Bible.

  • Cain and Able (Genesis 4:1-16)
  • Saul and David (1 Samuel 15-31)
  • The older brother and the Prodigal Son (Luke 15)

It’s one thing to recognize and acknowledge envy and comparison, but what can we do about it?

As Christians, I believe we have three ways to combat the “envy urge.”

  1. Celebrate the good in others. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) We all have unique abilities. Take time each day to recognize the special gifts God has given others and praise them for it. Is someone a great cook? Praise their cooking! Has someone lost weight? Celebrate their success with them! By lifting others up, we might lighten a burden or insecurity that they are struggling with internally.
  2. Focus on YOUR talents. Comparing our talents to the talents of others isn’t healthy. What are talents? Find a friend, counselor or someone who can help you explore your own gifts. Figure out what YOU do well and focus on becoming even better. The only comparison we should struggle with is summed up in the following question: “Am I better than yesterday?” The focus should be on personal improvement, not the standards you set by comparing yourself to others.
  3. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) A relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship that we can have. If we keep our eyes on Jesus, our work to love others, serve others and lift others up will fill our lives with joy, peace and happiness. Contentment comes from a close relationship and walk with Jesus.

“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between sun and moon. They shine when it’s their time.” – unknown

My prayer this week is to tune out the voices of defeat and insecurity in my own head. Please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless you.

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An open letter to graduates…

This week marks one of my favorite times of year on our campus: commencement. It’s a time to celebrate the accomplishments of our students and congratulate them on successfully navigating four (or more) tough years of college. Countless hours of studying, writing papers and preparing oral presentations have culminated in this one moment.

And this year, graduates worldwide have navigated an even tougher set of circumstances. The coronavirus has created many new obstacles for all of us- especially our students. Through it all, they just kept pushing.

And I’ve got a short message for this week’s graduates….wherever you are.

Dear graduate:

You’ve made it. Take a moment and breathe it all in. No…really. These past four years have been tough, but the past 13 months have been really difficult. You’ve reached an important milestone in life and you need to stop and celebrate!

Let me leave you with three quick pieces of advice as you move forward.

  1. You are tough. Over the past year you have faced every type of obstacle that is humanly imaginable. You’ve experienced remote learning, the threat of physical illness, and an uncertain economic outlook. Through it all, you’ve kept pushing. Learning. Surviving. Succeeding. Don’t think about what you didn’t get to do this past year. Instead, think about the new ways you have learned to cope with challenges and overcome them with creativity, grit and determination. Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
  2. Always give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s been a tough year. Most of us are carrying around a load of burdens and concerns. In a time when we need to come together and listen to each other, we’ve been isolated and alone. When you encounter someone who seems irritated, frustrated or withdrawn…remember that they may be experiencing a tough time and have a heavy heart. Give them grace and offer a smile. You never know what a kind word or nice gesture can do for a weary spirit. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
  3. Say “I love you” daily. As the world opens back up and you prepare for a new career and life adventures, you’ll be busier than you’ve ever been. Some of will be getting your first jobs. Others are starting graduate school or moving across the country. You’ll have countless new people to meet and new roles to learn. Through it all, don’t forget your family and friends. They’ve been there for you so far…and want to remain your support system as you move forward. Keep in touch with those special people in your life. Call them. Send them a quick note or text. Shoot them pictures of your new adventures. But most of all- tell someone you love them everyday. It’ll bring a smile to their face and the communication will brighten your day, too. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I wish you the best as you transition to the next phase of life. You can do anything and be anything. Don’t ever stop believing in yourself…or loving others.

All the best,

me

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Love Your Neighbor

I was driving to work earlier this week and witnessed a man cross his yard and pick up a poorly-thrown newspaper from his elderly neighbor’s yard…and go place it on her porch.

A simple, meaningful gesture.

A recent survey suggested that 55% of Americans are feeling more stressed than they were just a few months ago.

There are disagreements about the coronavirus and reopening our country. We are having tough conversations about race and justice. People are experiencing financial strain and social isolation.

There’s a lot to process. And it’s hard to know what to do.

A mentor once told me that when the world is chaotic and unclear, the best thing we can do is focus on what’s immediately in front of us…and act.

And what’s directly in front of me everyday? People.

My neighbors.

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 13:9

During times of great societal stress and strain, we can all do something to help our neighbors.  It’s truly simple…get out of “self” and into a “serve” mentality. Service doesn’t have to be a significant, public event. It can be as easy as paying someone’s electric bill. Or calling to check on the sick or homebound.

Or standing up for someone who desperately needs it. Your family. Co-workers. The child next door. 

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. Romans 15:2

Love your neighbor as yourself. And where are our neighbors? They are right in front of us.

My prayer this week is to have the awareness to recognize ways to serve my neighbors…and the courage to act.

And please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless you!

 

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Don’t Cut that Hair

Have you ever thought much about the story of Samson? I’ve been studying from the book of Judges this week and enjoyed revisiting the story of this Nazarene judge.

You remember the details. Samson was given superhuman strength as long as he didn’t cut his hair. Samson waged a war against the Philistines, an enemy of the Israelites. He eventually was enticed and betrayed by a woman, Delilah, who gave him over to the Philistines. While in captivity, Samson’s hair regrew and he used his strength to topple a Philistine temple and kill many of his captors.

Pretty intense, huh?

I’m fascinated by this story from Judges 13-16. And I’m struck by the three leadership lessons we can gain from the story of Samson.

1. God has given all of us a gift. Samson was given great strength. He used his gift for good purposes. We need to identify and maximize the gifts God has given to us.

2. We all have weaknesses. Samson was easily enticed by a woman. He was distracted by lust and it eventually brought an early end to his work and influence. What are our areas for concern? Lust? Greed? Envy? Indifference? We need to acknowledge these weaknesses and make sure they don’t derail our personal ministry efforts.

3. We all have an opportunity for redemption. Samson was captured, but he was given one last opportunity against his foes. It’s the same for us. Life will deal us unfortunate circumstances. We’ll make mistakes. But our God is a God of grace. There’s always hope through Jesus. As long as we have a repentant, resilient heart…there’s always forgiveness and redemption.

My prayer this week is to realize my Spiritual gifts, be aware of those behaviors which cause me to stumble and to never cease to walk with Jesus.

Please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

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Please Lord….not me

Have you ever dreaded something you knew that you had to do?

I was studying Acts chapter 9 today and something struck me right in the heart.

The chapter starts with Saul (eventually known as Paul) persecuting and plotting murder against Christians. He had just picked up his latest “hit list” and was headed to Damascus. But God had other plans…and blinded Saul during his journey.

We know that the Lord then came to Ananias and instructed him to go to Saul and minister to him.

And Ananias was worried. Afraid. Scared.

“But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.”” Acts‬ ‭9:13-16‬

Despite his fear, Ananias went anyway. His trust for the Lord was greater than his fear of Saul.

How about you? Is your faith in our God bigger than your greatest fear?

What would you do for God’s kingdom if you knew you wouldn’t fail?

My prayer this week is to increase my faith. I want to be bold in my walk with Jesus and my personal ministry to others.

And please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless you.

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Friends in Low Places

Sometimes help comes from unlikely places.

I was studying Joshua Chapter 2 this week. In this chapter, Joshua had sent two spies into Jericho. The King sought to capture the spies, but Joshua’s men were hidden by Rahab….a prostitute.

A prostitute.

I have two takeaways from this passage of scripture…

1) God uses unlikely people to carry out good work for the Kingdom. A prostitute. A tax collector (Luke 19). An adulterer (John 8). A murderer (Acts 9). We should never doubt our ability to be a vessel for God’s work!

2) God doesn’t care about our past. He is focused on our future. He is concerned about our potential. He loves a repentant heart. No matter what sin we’ve committed or bad choices we’ve made- God loves us anyway. We need to embrace this love and grace…and boldly look for ways to share love and the good news of Jesus.

My prayer this week is to find clarity for my purpose. I want to get beyond my shame and brokenness and become a better disciple for Jesus.

And please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

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