Deposits in the Relationship bank

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I had a great experience today.  I traveled with two coworkers who had both gotten married within the last year.  Married life has started off wonderfully for both of my colleagues, and it was fun to hear about their new lives and growth as couples.

I had an opportunity to talk about my own marriage journey with them.  Hollianne and I have been married for over 22 years.  I told them that there were peaks and valleys in all marriages, but that if they kept Christ at the center of their lives- they would find many more highs than lows.

I told them that I often thought of my marriage relationship with Hollianne as a bank.  Simply put, I need to make daily investments into Hollianne’s life and well-being.  Acts of kindness.  Listening to her needs.  Protecting her.  Praying with and for her.  Demonstrating love for my wife in front of my children, family and neighbors.  Cherishing her.

It’s not always been that way.  Early in our marriage I was selfish.  Selfish with my time.  Selfish with my wants.  Putting my own interests before hers or the children.

Fortunately, I’ve matured (a little) and have learned that I need to be intentional about investing in our relationship. When the valleys come- and they will come- we can rely on the trust and respect that we’ve built over time.

Investing in one another through prayer, mutual respect and intentional acts of love make marriages that are built to last.

I’ve still got some work to do, but I know what I need to do…invest in her each and every day.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13: 4-7

My prayer this week is to find new ways to invest in Hollianne.  To look for ways to build her up and make her feel cherished.  To love her more today than I did yesterday.  Most importantly, I need to ask for the continued guidance of Jesus Christ to help me.

Hollianne deserves the effort.

Let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

 

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21 years and still learning

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Hollianne and I are celebrating 21 years of marriage today. 

Things were much simpler back in that summer of 1995.  We had a one bedroom apartment, a used green Ford Mustang and a 19 inch television.  I was working my first job out of grad school at a private college in Marietta, Ohio.  Hollianne was student teaching at Washington Elementary school.  We could both walk to work.

I also remember us having lots of free time.  While we were both busy at work, the evenings were ours.  We would walk downtown for dinner and sit by the river for hours on end.  We drove through the Amish countryside on weekends in search of antiques we couldn’t afford.  And on weekends that Fall- we made the six hour drive from Marietta to Knoxville to cheer on our beloved Volunteers.

We had time.  We spent it with each other.  It was an early investment in our marriage.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  Genesis 2:24

Life’s much more complicated now.  We’d added three active children.  Our jobs take us away from each other during the week, and the sports schedules of the kids cause us to split up each weekend.

We wouldn’t have it any other way…our family’s activities make for great memories.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.  Proverbs 18:22

While life events can complicate our marriages, it can also mature these relationships. If we’re lucky, we’ll notice when our relationships need adjustment or renewed focus. 

I love Hollianne even more today than I did way back in 1995. I’ve witnessed her give birth and raise our three children. I’ve watched her take care of parents and relatives during time of distress and need. I’ve seen her care for friends when crisis rocked their lives. 

And I’ve experienced her incredible grace over and over again. 

She’s my partner. My soulmate. My example. And my friend. 

Pray for me to be the husband that Hollianne needs. She deserves it. 

And let me know how to pray for you. 

God bless you. 

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