Author Archives: kcarver1970

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20 years of marriage…an anniversary by the numbers

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Hollianne and I have been married twenty years today. Much has changed since 1995…along the way we’ve had three children, owned four dogs, lived in seven homes in four cities and two states.

One thing has been constant during these two decades…Hollianne is the greatest blessing in my earthly life. There’s not been a day where we haven’t touched, talked or communicated. She’s my rock and my very best friend.

She’s also taught me many life lessons through our marriage. While I could fill the pages of a book- I’ll chose to focus on the five greatest principles that I’ve learned since meeting Hollianne over twenty years ago.

5)  Be selfless

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Philippians 2:4

Let’s face it…we are selfish creatures.  It’s our very nature to look out for ourselves.  But marriage is about commitment- a bond between two people.  Hollianne has sacrificed over and over again for my career, our kids and the happiness of our home.  She’s constantly putting others before herself and has been an incredible example of selflessness for both me and our children.

4)  Forgiveness is a good thing

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13

Hollianne has shown me grace when I didn’t deserve it.  She’s been willing to forgive me when I’ve been selfish, demanding or just plain unlovable.  She’s taught me that it’s better to forgive (and forget) than to carry around the pain and burden of hurt in a relationship.

3)  Yesterday doesn’t define tomorrow

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

Marriages aren’t always perfect…because people aren’t perfect.  There are difficult times in any relationship.  Hollianne has shown me that there are lessons to be learned from any situation.  She uses the past as a “teacher” and moves forward with wisdom and discernment for situations that we’ll face in the future.

2)  Invest in your marriage everyday

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.  Luke 6:38

No matter what may be going on with our daily schedule, Hollianne makes me feel special.  It may be a note on my bedside table, a letter in my overnight bag or just a well-timed text.  She’s a busy mom, worker and community volunteer- but she always makes time to let me know that she cares.  I’m grateful for that.

1)  You never stop growing together

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.  Proverbs 27:17

Marriage is a long-term commitment.  You both mature and grow in your relationship.  And, if you are lucky, you have a spouse that helps you in your spiritual growth.  Hollianne is that person for me.  She’s an absolute truth-teller and keeps me in line when I lose focus.  We learn and grow from each other.

I’ve learned a lot from Hollianne over the past 20 years.  May God continue to bless our marriage- and may I grow to be the man that she deserves.

Please pray for me- and let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless you.

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I’m the greatest…I think.

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I remember a situation that happened over twenty years ago.  My supervisor asked me to represent him at a state-wide meeting in Nashville.  I was just going over to take notes for him, but I was so honored to be asked to represent my office.  I was proud to be recognized for my work- and I felt as if this was a “reward” for my efforts at the office.

Imagine my surprise, however, when I was called upon to give remarks on behalf of my boss and the work of my office.  There I stood- in the middle of a crowded room- stammering and tripping over my words.  I was unprepared to make a talk that day and I left the meeting embarrassed and with a healthy dose of regret.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.  Proverbs 11:2

It was a great lesson for me (and a long ride back to Knoxville).

Has this ever happened to you?  We feel self-sufficient and overly confident in our ability to handle life.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.  Romans 12:3

We need a grounded approach to life.  We must continually examine our lives for shortcomings and ways to improve.  We all need a dose of humility every now and then.

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.  Luke 14:11

My prayer for this week is for us to have humble hearts…and look for ways to lift others up.

Please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

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Coaching lessons from a Blue Devil

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What are the qualities of a good coach?  We immediately think of people who can develop great game plans…or individuals who are flexible and can make quick adjustments during a game.

The horrible shooting tragedy that occurred in Chattanooga last week gave me a new perspective on coaching.

Our Governor, Bill Haslam, was visiting Erlanger hospital to visit the wounded from last week’s attack on the Navy reserve center.  The wife of one of the wounded soldiers stopped the Governor and informed him that her husband had always admired the Duke University basketball team- especially head coach Mike Krzyzewski.  A comforting message or word from the coach- she said- would mean so much to the critically-wounded soldier.

This set a plan in motion.  Within a couple of hours the story surrounding this soldier had reached Durham, NC and the head of the Duke basketball program- Coach K.  The coach’s travel schedule was hectic, but he created time to contact the soldier’s wife and others caring for the soldier at Erlanger hospital.

He also recorded a special message for the wounded soldier:

This is Coach. I have an important message for you.

You’re on a great team down there in Chattanooga, with all the doctors and the medical staff. But I need you to do your part. I need you to be strong.

The basketball season starts in the fall. We want you sitting courtside.

We want you ready to get into the game.

The young soldier heard the message late in the day.  It was a lift for all involved…the wounded, the family and the hospital staff.  Coach K took quick action.  He engaged.  He understood the situation.  He was empathetic and encouraging.

Sadly, the solider died the next morning.  Coach K’s contact and sincere encouragement, however, had been a real lift in the spirits for all involved- including the wounded serviceman.  He had made a difference.

We all have the ability to be a coach.  What other things do good coaches do?

Set Vision

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Good coaches trust God to guide their plans.  They listen diligently for God’s instruction when leading others- and go confidently toward their goals.

Engage Others in the Process

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.  1 John 3:16

Coaching and leading are about relationships.  You can’t be an effective coach without engaging others.  We exist to help and serve.  We need to demonstrate to others that we care about their lives, hurts, fears and successes.

Develop the Talents of their Team Members

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35

Good coaches recognize the gifts and weaknesses of their teams.  They constantly work to help individuals better- either on the court, in the office or at home.

Stay Calm

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  2 Timothy 1:7

Good coaches keep calm when the world seems to be falling apart.  They are in touch with God’s ever-present sense of peace and wisdom…and they feed off of this strength.

All of us have the ability to coach.  It may be with our children, a neighbor or a family friend.  I pray that we all look for ways to engage and encourage this week.  Showing the love of Jesus to others is, after all, a contact sport.

God bless you.  Please let me know how I can pray for you- and remember the people impacted by the attacks in Chattanooga last week.

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When your kid hurts

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My kid is hurting.

We’ve spent the better part of two years trying to diagnose and treat a sports injury for one of our children.  It’s been a frustrating 24 months…with one treatment followed by another in an effort to alleviate a painful, nagging condition.  We’ve driven to sports medicine clinics all across the state in an effort to find a solution.

We should count our blessings.  While it’s been frustrating, the condition is treatable.  There are many other children facing much more serious situations than what our family is experiencing.

You know the feeling.  Perhaps it wasn’t a sports injury for your child- but there are many “hurts.”  Maybe they’ve experienced disappointment or rejection from a difficult situation at school. Perhaps your adult child has lost a job or experienced stress with their family.  Regardless of the age or situation- it’s tough to see your kids struggle.

We want to protect our children- to shower them with love and take the hurt away.  This response is natural.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Just like we long to protect our children, God cares and wants what’s best for us- His children.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 118:6

What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  Romans 8:31

While on this earth we will always long for comfort.  What a blessing that this help is unlimited and available to all.

Please pray for me to be more aware of those who need to be comforted. And let me know how I may pray for you.  God bless you.

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Labeled

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“We are what we believe we are.”  C.S. Lewis

Our family has been on an extended trip across the West.  One of the first impressions we make on people we encounter is the “uniqueness” of our accents.  We are immediately labeled as Southerners…and all the preconceived notions that come with it!

Have you ever felt labeled?  Sometimes we just can’t outrun our past.  Perhaps we’ve made distinct impressions on others because of something that we said or did when we were younger.  Maybe it was a mistake we made- unfortunately- in front of a large group of people.  Labels can be hurtful and damaging.

Jesus was labeled.

And when Jesus had finished these parables, he went away from there, and coming to his hometown he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works?  Is not this the carpenter’s son?  Is not his mother called Mary?  And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas?  And are not all his sisters with us?  Where then did this man get all these things?” And they took offense at him.  But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.” Matthew 13: 53-57

Despite hearing His teachings and seeing the miracles, many Nazarenes could not fathom the greatness of Jesus.  They had known Him from his youth.  How could this ordinary man be the key to salvation and eternal life?

Of course- this scene from Matthew and many others captured in scripture did not define Jesus.  He was labeled all of His life.  Ordinary.  A fraud.  Common.

But Jesus knew His purpose and mission and He fully embraced His calling.

How are you labeled?  How do labels limit your effectiveness in your walk with Jesus?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12: 1-2

I need to remember it’s not where I started- or even where I am.  It’s about where I want to be.  I want to be a Christ-follower.  That’s the label I want.

Please pray for me to lay aside all obstacles that keep me from pursuing the truth.  And let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

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Freedom

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Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.  1 Peter 2:16

It’s the biggest birthday party of the year.  Tomorrow marks the annual celebration of our nation’s independence.  We show our American pride through parades, firework celebrations and red, white and blue-themed parties with friends and family.  We are a young bunch…a nation established just a little over 230 years ago.

July 4 is an important date to recognize our freedom as a country, but each day of our lives presents an opportunity to celebrate the independence granted through Jesus.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

The apostle Paul wrote these words to the Christians in Galatia.  The birth and death of Jesus had freed people from the Jewish ceremonial laws and restrictive customs, but the citizens of this region had taken advantage of this independence.  They were falling away from the truth and were turning to false teachers and doctrines.

Paul encouraged the Galatians to return to the freedom created by Jesus.

For you were called to freedom, brothers.  Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.  For the whole law is fulfilled in one word:  “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  Galatians 5: 13-14

I am no better than the Galatians.  The world is filled with temptation and sin.  We have choices in life, and I find it difficult to make daily choices that reflect a walk of truth, love and compassion.  With freedom comes responsibility.

My prayer for today is that we all walk toward Jesus.  Let us continually seek truth- and let us have the strength to continually live lives worthy of the freedom given to us from Jesus.

Please pray for me to have this strength.  And let me know how I may pray for you.

Celebrate freedom and independence from sin today.  It’s the best birthday gift ever.

God bless.

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The world’s oldest profession

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And the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. Genesis 2:15

We live in a crowded suburb of Knoxville on a postage stamp-sized piece of property. It’s just big enough to allow our three active kids with a small place to get outside. For the past three years, however, our youngest son Britton has carved out spaces around the house to plant tomatoes, peppers and herbs.

He’s discovered that even simple plants aren’t easy to grow. There are rocks in our yard…even slabs of hidden concrete. The ground slopes dramatically and we have an abundant supply of weeds and insects.

Britton doesn’t complain. He finds creative spots to plant his vegetables each year. He’s successful despite the obstacles.

The original farmers had it easy. God provided fertile, rich soil and a steady supply of water. Fruit trees were everywhere. God granted Adam and Eve free reign to work this beautiful place with one exception- they were forbidden to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16 and 3:3).

We know the rest of the story. Adam and Eve were tempted by the snake, which convinced them to eat from the forbidden tree. Sin and strife entered the world as a result of their disobedience.

Farming became difficult.

Adam and Even had to leave the beautiful garden. God made the ground hard and filled with thorns and thistles. Sweat and toil would be necessary to work the fields and provide food.

I’m truly no different from Adam and Eve. I know what’s wrong and what’s right, yet I am tempted by the delights of this world and routinely fall short of His purpose for me. Like the original farmers, poor choices make my life more difficult than it has to be.

We have a Savior that loves us anyway- despite our bad decisions. It’s our responsibility to learn from the past and discipline ourselves through study and prayer to have a heart like Jesus.

I can learn a lesson or two from Britton’s garden. Obstacles and setbacks are everyday occurrences in this life, but we just have to keep working. The rewards are eternal.

Please pray for me. Let me know how I may pray for you. God bless.

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Daddies

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Some of my earliest memories involve my dad.  He was a really good high school coach in Crockett County.  I still remember sitting near him on the bench during hotly-contested basketball games…watching him plot plays, scheme defenses and berate referees. Those gyms were packed full of people- and dad’s bench seemed to be at the center of my small universe.

He taught me how to tie a lure, throw a spiral and change a car tire.  He showed me how to race go carts and went with me to buy an engagement ring for Hollianne.  I’m grateful that he’s now teaching my children some of those same lessons.

Sunday is the day we “officially” recognize our fathers.  I’m in a great place right now…as I can celebrate my relationship with dad, as well as experience a wonderful day with my kids.

For many people, however, Father’s Day can be painful.  Hollianne lost her father last Thanksgiving.  Mr. Tommy was a wonderful man…generous, loving and compassionate.

Tommy Holmes

His life and presence left a vault of good memories for his family, but his absence is painfully obvious this year.

Some of my friends never knew their father…or were abandoned as children.  This void can be a difficult one to fill.

We, however, have a heavenly Father that cares for us beyond imagination.

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Joshua 1:5

No matter what life throws at us- stress, illness, or disappointment- we have a Father who will be with us.

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-11

God has a plan for our lives.  While we cannot know what will happen tomorrow, we can rest assured that our Father will face tomorrow with us.

God’s uncompromising love.  Just think of it as the best Father’s Day gift ever.

Pray for me this week.  Let me know how I may pray for you.  God bless.

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Vertigo

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I passed out in my office last Friday.

It was vertigo.  I felt like the whole world was spinning around and I couldn’t stop it.  It didn’t matter if my eyes were open or shut…my body felt like it was spinning out of control.

The next 24 hours were frustrating.  In addition to the dizziness, I experienced headaches.  Bright lights caused my eyes to water.  I couldn’t focus on anything.

Fortunately, the symptoms were temporary.

Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Proverbs 4:25

This isolated situation created an interesting parallel to my entire life (lately). I’ve been presented with an unusually high number of distractions at work and home.  I’ve had lots of unexpected work travel and the kids’ schedules have been hectic.  Something had to give.  Unfortunately, what suffered were the activities I needed most.

My prayer life fell off.  I went several weeks rushing through my personal study of Matthew.  I was doing the bare minimum to prepare for my weekly men’s group.  I’ve been busy- but not about the right things.

It reminded me of the story of Jesus visiting the home of Martha and her sister Mary in the book of Luke.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10: 38-42

The world will create chaos that distracts and confuses us.  Our primary focus should be on our relationship with Jesus.

We need less Martha and more Mary.

I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.  Psalm 119:15

My prayer for the upcoming week will be for more focus on Jesus and less on the distractions.  Please let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

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What’s under the surface

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JT, our thirteen year old son, has spent a considerable amount of time in the water lately.  He’s training for his first sprint triathalon…a 1/4 mile swim in Kentucky Lake, then a 16 mile bike ride and culminating with a 3 mile run.  It’s an ambitious goal, but he’s enjoyed the training.

To prepare for this event JT is swimming in the Tennessee River near our home.  It’s a different experience for him…as he’s had to get out of his comfort zone.  The scenery is beautiful, but the dark water of the river is a bit intimidating.  While the surface is peaceful and calm, there can be dangerous things lurking underneath.

It’s what you can’t see that bothers you during the training.  There are logs, hidden currents, and submerged trash.  It’s a constant reminder that things aren’t always what they seem.

It’s a great analogy for my own life.  My office is filled with photos of a smiling wife and happy children.  Facebook and Twitter illustrate fun experiences with family and friends.  We attend church as a family every Sunday.  I talk about my rewarding job and interesting co-workers.  Life is good right?

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”  1 Samuel 16:7

There are many flaws right under the surface of my life.  While I try my hardest to put on a big smile, if I’m honest I’ll admit that I’m scarred and broken just underneath.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.  2 Timothy 2:15

Jesus is concerned with the depth of love I have for my wife and children.  He wants me to invest in the lives of others.  He cares about my thoughts, my purpose and my intentions.

My prayer this weekend will be that we focus more on the matters of the heart- and not the superficial.

Please pray for me.  And let me know how I may pray for you.

God bless.

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